Sermon Delivered at Church of the Good Shepherd”
Fort Lee, New Jersey,
Pentecost XIII, September 4, 2022, at 10:00 a.m.
By the Rev. Stephen Galleher
HOORAY FOR DISAPPOINTMENT!
“1 Happy are they who have not walked in the counsel of the wicked, nor
lingered in the way of sinners, nor sat in the seats of the scornful!
2 Their delight is in the law of the LORD, and they meditate on his law day and
night.
3 They are like trees planted by streams of water, bearing fruit in due season,
with leaves that do not wither; everything they do shall prosper.
(Psalm 1:1-3)
“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and adversity.”
(Deuteronomy 30:15)
Have you ever had one of those days where everything seemed to
go amiss. Nothing serious may have happened. Your physical health
remained ok. No auto accident or things like that. Just everything else,
from leaving your phone inside when you go out, to potholes and
detours on your way to the store. to people driving too slowly, blocking
you at every step of the way, to long lines, unpleasant store clerks, to
just about everything. At least it feels that way.
Now I hope that I’m talking to a relatively mature congregation this
morning and that I am speaking with a serene, accepting, smiling group
of people. I do admire you. And I. too, have been like. At times! I say
“at times,” for it is those other times, when I am an infantile brat,
kicking and screaming about the way my life is unfolding. These things
that bother me, from childhood to adulthood I would like to reflect on
with you a few minutes. I am talking about disappointment, and I title
this little meditation “Hooray for Disappointment!”
Wouldn’t it be great if our lives unfolded just as we wish them to
and just as we would expect? I think even 2-year-olds have learned that
this is just not the way it is. Mommy doesn’t come just when our diapers
demand it; that cookie we are reaching for does not arrive on time. And
that spoon we use to beat on the table of our highchair just doesn’t get
answered. Wah, wah, waah! Poor little Stevie, poor little Johnny, poor
little Mary. We all know the sting of disappointment.
Disappointments result from expectations not being met. We expect
the electricity to be working when we get home in the evening. We
expect our partner to remain loyal to us. We expect a higher level of ease
and comfort in our retirement years. The pain and discomfort from
unmet expectations amount to mild irritation or resentment and anger to
disgruntlement and discouragement—depending, of course, on how
earnestly we hold these expectations. The point, of course, is not to
judge our disappointments (“I shouldn’t feel like that!” “How immature
of me to feel that way”) That only worsens the situations. It is important
instead only to become aware or remind ourselves that we are simply not
getting what we want: what we expect to happen just isn’t happening. I
can excuse myself like the guy who said, “I am very disappointed in
gravity. It always lets me down!”
And let’s be real: life is full of disappointments. I haven’t met
anyone who claims never to have had any. If I wanted to, I could list two
dozen disappointments I experience even before I get to the kitchen to
eat my breakfast.
Now what I have just suggested takes me to a powerful insight I had
the other day when thinking about disappointments.
Disappointments are nothing other than my labeling a situation that
arises in my life. What’s one person’s “disappointment” is another
person’s “opportunity.” You yourself must admit that many of our lives’
so-called, so-labeled disappointments were really blessings that we did
not recognize until later in life.
Disappointments, then, are on us. We are doing nothing but
describing something that happens to us. It is neither a failure nor a
success. It just is! I know this is easier said than lived. There is a
negative side to us that wants to be down a lot. There was a cartoon I
saw recently of a guy with a tee shirt that read: “I’ve given up all
expectations and I’m still disappointed.” Almost anything can be a
disappointment, as in this little poem called “Almost Perfect.”
Cloudless sky
Perfumed breeze
Open doors
Glistering emerald green
Buzzes in, [A butterfly!]
On transparent wings —
Lands on lunch!
As much as we might want to pin the blame on other people or
circumstances for our disappointment, much of our discouragement
stems from our own self-criticism. Perhaps if we were a bit kinder to
ourselves, we’d be a little less eager to talk about how others have
disappointed us.
But think how things change when we give up expecting and
rehearsing all the so-called “disappointments” we have experienced. On
one level it’s as simply as relabeling! We can turn from a cynic, an
Eeyore from the Winnie the Pooh stories, to a joyful person, greeting
everything in our lives as a gift. Because everything in our lives comes,
in fact, as a gift, doesn’t it? Things we work for, things we don’t work
for: all show out of the blue; and the only finally useful attitude is
gratitude, not disgruntlement.
The thing this topic asks of us is, “How free do you want to be?
How happy do you want to be?” I think many of us think there is
nothing we can do about our discouraging attitude. We are stuck and
think we are doomed to remain that way.
I love the old song, “Home on the Range.”
O give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play;
Where seldom is heard a discouragin’ word
And the skies are not cloudy all day. …
And this lesser-known verse:
How often at night, when the heavens are bright,
With the lights from the glitterin’ stars,
Have I stood here amazed, and asked as I gazed
If their glory exceeds that of ours?
Let’s look around us. Isn’t there plenty to be amazed at? How much
time need we waste on disappointment. Sure, there is plenty we could
point to if we want to shift focus.
In conclusion, there are many strategies we can learn to turn around
a day in which everything seems to go amiss. Acceptance is a big tool,
but mine is a kind of combination of acceptance and mindfulness.
Mindfulness sounds like a big word, but it is really a very simple
word. Just observe yourself. Watch yourself go through the chain of
emotions. Like you’re in a movie theater watching others act out. I find
that when I do this—when I just note my feelings ebb and flow, arise
and disperse—I don’t get so involved. I’m like a kind spectator of my
day.
Living this way can be its own kind of bliss.
I believe we are meant to be happy, meant to live free. And the
Gospel of Christ proclaims these prizes are here, now for the taking.
Christ has died; Christ is risen. We too can live alongside the one who
promises this for us and for all who wish to take part.
Come join the dance.
Amen.