A Heart Growing Wider
Since I was young, I have learned many new things. Over the years, I have come to see that some of the most important lessons go beyond the knowledge I have gained. I am still learning these lessons today. One is that people can look at the same question and see it very differently. I have also learned that I need to listen to those who see things differently from me. At first, when I heard something I disagreed with, I would look for what was wrong with it. But as I continued to learn, I slowly began to change. Other people asked questions I had never thought to ask. They saw things I had missed. Sometimes, after listening carefully, I realized that I was the one who needed to change my mind.
Faith can be like that too. When I was younger, it seemed easier to speak about God. I could say more easily what God is like, what God wants, and what pleases God. As I grow older, I find myself more careful about saying such things. What I have learned and experienced is not enough for me to say that I fully understand God. Someone who has walked a very different path from mine may know a depth of faith that I have never known. And yet, the longer we live our life of faith, the easier it can sometimes be to lose this humility. We may begin to treat our own conclusions as if they were God’s will. Once we have placed God’s name upon our own judgment, it becomes difficult to listen to anyone else. It also becomes difficult to ask whether we ourselves might be mistaken. So growing deeper in faith may not simply mean becoming more certain about more things. It may also mean learning not to judge people too quickly and being willing to admit that there is still much we do not know.
I learn this from raising my children as well. Parents have watched their children since they were very young, so we naturally think that we know them better than anyone else. And in many ways, we do. But we do not know everything. Our children have thoughts they have not shared with us. They have relationships and experiences that we do not fully know. They find joy, they are hurt, and they grow up in a world that remains partly hidden from us. The path that seems right to me may not always be the best path for them. Sometimes I need to listen longer before I can understand. Because we love our children, there is much we want to teach them. But loving them does not mean that we know everything about them. In fact, the closer someone is to us, the more important it may be to remember that there are still things we do not know. When we think we know someone completely, we also tend to judge that person quickly.
This connects with what Jesus teaches us about forgiveness in today’s Gospel. It is not easy to accept someone who thinks differently from us. But it is even harder to forgive someone who has actually hurt us. In today’s parable, the slave looks at his fellow slave and sees only a man who owes him money. But when the man pleads, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you,” he is saying almost the same words that the first slave had just spoken to his own lord. Then the lord asks him: “And should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?” In other words: Were you not also someone who needed mercy?
When we look at another person’s wrongdoing, the wrong is usually what we see first. But when we look at our own mistakes, we tend to remember the circumstances. We remember that we were going through a difficult time. We were tired. We were under pressure. We had our reasons. None of this makes the wrong disappear. But what we know about another person may not be the whole story. Before we judge that person, we need to remember that we too have come this far because others have shown us patience, understanding, and mercy. Forgiveness requires our hearts to grow wider in this way. It means that we do not look only at the wound we received. We also remember that we have lived because others understood us, waited for us, and gave us another chance. This is what Jesus asks us to remember in today’s parable. I too am someone who needs mercy. I too live by the mercy of God.
We see something similar in the story of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph says to them: “So have no fear; I myself will provide for you and your little ones.” Joseph had not forgotten what his brothers had done to him. But he no longer saw them only as the brothers who had sold him into slavery. Now he could also see that they had grown older. They were afraid, and they had families who depended on them. Joseph did not look only at the suffering he had endured. He could also see how God had been at work through all those years, leading him and preserving his family. So instead of taking revenge, Joseph chose to care for his brothers and their children.
Of course, it can take a long time for a heart to change in this way. If someone has hurt us deeply, we do not need to force ourselves to forgive immediately. Sometimes we need to hold someone accountable. Sometimes we need to protect ourselves. But we do not have to assume that the way we feel and judge today must remain the same forever. There are people we once could not understand at all, but years later, we may begin to see them differently. It may not be because they have changed. It may be because we have lived through more of life ourselves and have begun to see more than we could see before.
This may be part of what faith does within us. As we come to know how patiently God has waited for us, and how graciously God has received us even in our weakness, the way we look at other people begins to change. Growing deeper in faith may not be measured by how much we can say about God. It may be seen in how slowly and carefully we judge another person. Once, all we could see was what that person had done wrong. In time, we may begin to see more of the person. Along with the hurt we carry, we may also remember how much patience and mercy we ourselves have received. This is how our hearts slowly grow wider. As God has been patient with us, may we learn to look at one another more deeply and with greater understanding. And as our faith grows deeper, may our hearts grow wider with it.
Amen.